Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Public Apology To My Friends. I love my wife and I am going to work on making our marriage last.

Our honeymoon view of Niagara Falls. 

As the world waits for Tiger Woods to make his public apology, I am going to step up and take this moment to publicly apologize to my friends. You see, today is the day that each of you who wagered that "this will not last five years", have lost your bets. I told that to my friend, Bill, today and he 'fessed up that the bet going around was actually on whether I would go through with it in the first place. So, I apologize to each of you for making you lose your bets. Actually, The Wife is to blame.

Five years later, I am now an expert on marriage longevity. So today I went ahead and fulfilled a deep need that drives all women. Performing this all but guarantees a successful marriage. Yes, I proved my devotion and manhood today, on our anniversary, by repairing The Wife's washing machine.

As I stood facing the washing machine service panel, I had a flashback to a similar experience exactly five years earlier. I was approaching the church and thinking to myself, "I have no idea what awaits me on the other side".

First, I removed the thing and cleaned it out.


Deep in the forbidding inner workings I found the offending clogged screen. Luckily, I was somewhat familiar with this because my high school bong used similar technology. 

Just like five years ago, I felt lacking for the proper tools.

Life and washing machines have cycles.

We all have attachments.

A watershed moment.

Good for another five years!


  1. Great! I flew up for the wedding that snowy day. Father Butch was great carving the ham at the house. How fun it was.

  2. You are the best, Howard!

  3. Howard, you are a hero as you have accomplished that which could not be done; you have domesticated The Duchess. Three Cheers and a Camel for you, you have won!

  4. Congratulations, Howard! I am a bit of a stranger here but, I feel like I know you, lol!

  5. Damn, Howard--you really need a "Like" button on this blog. I'd be wearing it out on this one.

  6. Unfortunately, Howard, you also committed the number one sin in marriage just then. You referred to it as "my wife's washing maching." Bet you got kicked in the shins for that one.

    But, judging by the date of the last post here, you'll probably never even read this comment.


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